When I Dream

2006-09-16T02:32:00.000+10:00

My Favourite Poem
By E. E. Cummings

I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it, anywhere I go
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart

~* I'm Back !!!! *~

2006-09-11T23:16:00.000+10:00

i almost forgot that i have a blog.. it's been one year since my last post --.--' quite long huh.. yea.. i've been really busy this year.. there're a lot of things goin' on in my mind at the same time.. i dunno why.. but it make me so depressed >.<>

hmm i think it started when i moved to my friend's apt last year.. since then, i've got a lot of problems.. dunno why.. i live my life like usual but things seem not working out well almost all the time.. especially these days.. it's so hard for me to find a good inspiration and great idea for my design. it really makes me frustated. it seems like i'm having a bad day everyday.. even when i go out for shopping, it's not as fun as before. i couldn't really enjoy it.. and again i dunno why.. and it's really weird if i can't enjoy my shopping time.. hmm well for some people who knew me really well, they will understand why i'm saying it.. but just in case you didn't know and curious about it.. oh well.. i used to be a shopaholic.. i can't stay at home the whole day.. i have to go out everyday, either go to cafe, shopping or maybe only window shopping.. but at least i have to buy something in one week period.. if not, i will get really 'crazy' and stress --.--' weird huh? well that's the way it is..

the good thing about it is that i can save some money for my summer holiday this year which is if all going according to the plan, i'm gonna go to USA for the first time in my life hehehe ;p i'm so excited.. hope i can get the visa though.. otherwise i'm gonna be so bored in Indo doing nothing. hmm talking about indo.. as the day goes by, i couldn't find anything good about that country though.. except for the food and for a really cheap products they have comparing to Aussie. if those things gone then i couldn't find any reason to have a holiday there beside my family.. if in the future they're still staying there though hehe..

hmm aniway, back to the topic.. yea, i'm so depressed right now, especially today.. *sigh* i don't know whether i have rights to blame my lecturer or not. he sent me an email 9PM satuday and asks us to do a presentation on monday.. the presentation part it's ok because i know that already.. but the worst part is that he wants us to make 3d model of our concepts, do a nice rendering and basically make the products look like the real things.. it took a long time to make it especially because my concepts are not as simple as it look when i start to make it in rhino.. well, the good thing is that finally i can finish on time, although there is one concept that i can't render because almost half of the surfaces are gone --.--' i was quite happy with my idea.. but then.. my teacher didn't like it.. he said he's not into that style.. well, just to let you know, he is the first aussie person that i found out so narcist esp. about his own products. so yea, what he likes it's only something that is similar to what he has produce. one of my friend has the same exact lamp like he had and he said it's fantastic, very clever and it's a brilliant idea, which i think he shouldn't say that thing.. it's just not right.. it's like plagiarism. because what i learn so far in this course, i can't design something that is already in the market or even a concept that people already known. but this-narcism-teacher seems like force us to copying what he has done.. and one thing that i think is really really stupid comment is when he ask me just to find an old chandelier and just wrapped it in silk to make a new lamp.. that was the most dumb comment i've ever heard.. it's not even redesign the lamp, it's only wrapping like a present or something. at least, as a good designer, he can suggest me a better aspect of light design for that particular place not just like that.. oh well.. yea, life is cruel and weird.. he made me to start all over again, by searching for a great place for the lamp and then make a 3d model, render it and finished it in photoshop to make it looks real.. well well.. i just wanna scream out loud now.. i'm really stress >.<

aniway.. i think i better sleep and forget everything for a while and see how it goes tomorrow.. hope everything will be better.. yea,.. i hope..

~* FinaLLy *~

2005-10-28T20:15:00.000+10:00

huah.. i feel a bit relieve now.. i finished my last assignment 2 hours ago.. altough still waiting for the printing at least i can sleep tonight hehe.. hope there's nothing wrong with the printer.. bcoz i always have trouble with that printer at uni (>.<)

i've been very very busy since last week.. many problems came up at the same time (>.<) and i got just a little time to do it.. i'm so stress.. esp. with my group work.. i thought last semester was my worst group work ever.. but this one is even worse than that.. my mate left to singapore already before all the work done.. *sigh.. no responsibility at all.. omg.. i hate that kind of attitude. i have to do all the work.. and he will get the same mark like me.. that's really not fair !! (>.<) i hate group workkkkk.. it's better for me to work alone rather than working in a group but my mate doesn't do anything.. at least i can manage my time so i still can get enough rest.. *sigh i'm sure he is having fun right now in singapore with his gf.. but me.. still wake up waiting for the printer to print MY poster.. it's really mine.. i shouldn't put his name on that poster.. he doesn't even have initiative to help me.. we divided the same amount of work at first.. but at the end i did all the work and he did nothing.. omg..

[[indo mode on]]

huahhhhhhhhh.. pengen marah2 de rasanyaaaaaa.. sampe kapan gw harus sabarrrrrrrrr.. nahan kesel kalo uda jadi susah sendiri.. harusnya dari dulu aja gw omelin tu orang.. parah banget seh.. cowo apaan tuh ga punya tanggung jawab sama sekali --.--' gila banget de tu orang.. gilaaa.. *sigh knapa gw jadi orang tu sabar bangett sehhhh!?!?!??!?!?! aiyah... kalo uda begini de (>.<) dada sampe sakit gara2 nahan kesel.. parah parah.. pengen rasanya bilang ke guru gw kalo tu orang ga ngapa2in.. sayang banget ga perna ada group review di jurusan gw.. coba ada.. at least i can feel better..

hmm.. ya uda de.. tomorrow will be my last day for this semester.. i hope everything gonna be fine tomorrow.. and then i wanna go buy souvenirs for my friends.. esp. for my long lost best friend ^^ can't wait to go around melb & tasmania with my fam.. and go back to indo together ^^

~* New Life *~

2005-10-05T19:31:00.000+10:00

huah.. kemaren baru aja libur mid-smester break semingguan gituh.. enakk banget dehhh.. hari rabu kemaren gw pegi ma temen2 ke Balarat - Sovereign Hill.. tempat tambang emas gitu.. kita nyewa mobil.. pegi ber8.. it was really fun!! kayanya bole tu tiap liburan kita nyewa mobil terus pegi kemana gitu yg jauh rame2.. bener2 kerasa banget liburannya ^^ pulang dari sana, malemnya dinner di st.kilda.. terus abis itu kita ke port melbourne buat poto2 doank hueheue.. rasanya legaaaaa banget de.. kayanya ga ada beban sama sekali ^^ hmm terus kamisnya sampe minggu kemaren gw ikut retreatnya PDKKI diRawson Village.. itu juga fun banget.. banyak ktemu temen2 baru.. terus ret2nya beda banget, ga kaya ret2 biasa.. ya mungkin karna da lama ga ikut jadi kerasa banget kali yah.. tapi yg pasti.. ret2 kemaren bener2 bikin gw lega banget.. banyak banget hal yg gw dapetin di ret2 kemaren.. hal yg berguna banget buat gw.. ret2 kemaren bener2 bikin gw masuk ke idup baru gitu heuheuee.. thanks to God banget deh, gw bole ikut ret2 itu.. hmm terus pulang2.. turun tram di city langsung balik to reality de.. inget lagi semua tugas2 yg ada huehueee.. mana ada report pula buat senen yg belom dibikin.. gila banget.. dah gitu karna buru2, jadinya telat presentasi de pas hari senen.. padahal gw tu grup 2.. bisa2nya presentasi pertama kali (>.<) tapi makasi banget ma Tuhan, gw masi bisa presentasi walopun telat 1 slide hehe.. terus yg dah gw bikin cepet2 reportnya.. ternyata ga dikumpulin hari itu.. kumpulin minggu depan.. ya gut lah.. gw bikinnya da salah juga seh itu hehehe.. hmm i can really feel God blessing these days ^^ mungkin bener kali yah prinsip adenya oma gw.. katanya dia selalu berjalan bersama Yesus makanya dia selalu ceria.. maybe gw juga harus gitu.. yeah.. i'll never walk alone because i always walk with Jesus ^^

~* why.. *~

2005-09-20T13:04:00.000+10:00

*sigh.. it's been 2 weeks.. or maybe 3 weeks i have this kind of feeling.. can't explain it.. it's just hurting me so bad.. really really bad.. never felt like this before.. why do i have to read all of that stories.. why am i still reading it altough i know it's gonna hurt me.. why.. why.. i just wanna cry everytime i read it.. how stupid i am believing every figures on every stories that i read before.. now i believe, stories only stories.. they don't exist in this world.. nothing is perfect.. i shouldn't act like other people.. now, i only can regret those things.. the things that i did.. now i lost something that i should have.. i feel that my heart really hurt everytime i remember that name.. my heart will beat faster.. but it's not like when you meet someone you love.. it's just hurt.. i only feel the pain.. sadness.. not happiness.. is there any second chance for me?? if so, then i will surely be myself .. dun wanna be other people again.. *sigh

~* Fairy TaLes *~

2005-09-15T18:11:00.000+10:00

hari ini gw nyobain bioskop di melb central !!! trakir kali harga promosi $8 all session timess... wahhhh.. keren abisssss!!!! sayang tadi ga sempet nyobain yg BEAN BAG ROOM haizzzz... pertama kalinya gw denger ada bioskop yg kursinya pake bean bag semua!!! huahahahaha.. tadi da nyobain bean bag depan roomnya seh.. gede gitu.. satu orang satu bean bag gede yg empuk.. enak buangettttttttttttt huahauhaua.. pengen nyobainnnnn.. harga tiketnya sama pula lagi.. sayang tadi malem banget mulenya.. filmnya ga gitu menarik juga.. next time lah.. gw harus nyobain !!!!! hahahaa.. asli tu cinema keren abis designnya.. ga cuma diluar doank.. dalemnya juga keren hehe.. untung waktu itu gw dateng pas arstitek HOYTS melb central ngasi lecture.. kerennn abisssss.. ga nyangka aslinya keren jugaaa huaaaaahhhh..

niweyz.. lagu backsound blognya sekarang Tong Hua by Guang Liang.. yg baru kemaren gw tau kalo nama laennya itu Michael Wong, penyanyi kesukaan gw dari dulu.. gw punya atu albumnya, lagu2nya enak semuaaaa.. ga nyangka ternyata itu dia.. hmm lagu ini sedih seh.. tapi keren abis gitu.. cerita di v-klip ma arti liriknya beda gitu.. kalo di v-klip intinya yg cowo tu pemain piano gitu.. pas dia mo konser, cewenya masuk rumah sakit karna kanker.. jadi cewenya ga bisa dateng.. pas konsernya mo mulai.. dia telpon cewenya pake hape, terus hapenya ditaro diatas piano.. jadi cewenya tetep bisa dengerin dia konser walopun gi dirumah sakit.. intinya mah kaya ngasi semangat hidup buat cewenya gitu.. isn't that sweet???? ^^ wuahhh.. si Michael ini songwriter juga.. kayanya seh lagu2nya dia, dia tulis sendiri.. keren2 banget kata2nya.. hmm.. oh iya.. gw ada link buat liat flashnya dia.. mirip2 ma v-klipnya seh.. tapi ini animasi gitu.. tapi check it out aja.. keren abissss !!! nih kesini.. http://www.f130.net/flash/music4758.htm

oh ya.. tadi pas nonton.. gw liat trailernya "chicken little" kayanya kocak tuh.. soundtracknya bisa lagu numa2 dance gituh ahaha.. kocak abis tu ayam narinya huahauhuaa.. gw ampe ketawa2 gitu cuma liat trailernya doank.. itu juga harus nonton ahhhhhh hahahahaa... kapan ya muncul disiniiiiiiiiii, ga sabar pengen nonton hehehehe..

aniway.. masa ya obat batuk yg biasa gw minum ituh.. efek sampingnya bikin ga ngantuk.. aiyohhh.. ada2 aja deh.. biasa mah bikin ngantuk.. ni malah kebalikannya hahaha.. kocak abis.. tadi gw baru baca gitu.. abis dari kemaren koq gw ga bisa tidur gitu.. ternyataaaaaa --.--'

hmm ya uda ah segini dulu.. mo bobo cepet hari iniiiii ^^

~* SakuRa FloweRs *~

2005-09-07T18:52:00.000+10:00

hari ini makin parah de sakitnya (>.<) bangun2 leher gw bengkak gitu.. nelen aer aja sakitnya minta ampun --.--' jadinya tadi ke dokter de.. pas nyampe sana, orangnya bilang ga ada dokter buat hari ini.. aiyohhh.. kacau banget.. terus gw jadinya buking yg sore di klinik laen.. untung ada.. tapi parah banget yah dokter2 sini.. orang sakit aja harus buking dokter dulu --.--' keburu mati duluan kali tuh.. parah banget.. aniway, tadi pas ke klinik, gw ngelewatin sederetan pohon sakura.. hmm disini disebutnya cherry blossom de kalo ga salah.. huah.. keren banget deh.. pink gitu.. bunganya kecil2 ^^ uda lebih banyak bunganya dari terakhir gw lewat sana.. cantik banget bunganya.. waktu itu gw sempet metik, tapi ga lama terus layu.. jadi tadi gw metik lagi.. sayangnya rontok bunganya --.--' ya uda de.. tapi untung waktu itu da sempet poto.. ^^

~* VaL's Day '06 *~

2005-09-05T15:21:00.000+10:00

hmm.. blakangan gw jadi suka dengerin lagu2 buat valentine's day gitu, ga tau knapa.. tapi jadi bikin gw pengen cepet2 valentine de.. valentine's itu hari yg menurut gw special banget.. ga tau knapa.. tapi rasanya kadang2 malah lebih special daripada hari ultah gw sendiri hehe.. hmm.. next valentine's day.. pengen ada sesuatu yg beda.. apa yah.. tadi seh sempet mikir mo ngrayain bareng temen2 lagi kaya taun lalu.. taun lalu tu kalo ga salah kita rame2 ke gading de, jalan2 terus ngafe gitu.. sedihnya gw alone at that time hehe.. most of my friends yg pegi bareng gw pada bareng cowonya getoh.. jadi ngiri ~.~ hehe.. hmm i have an idea to make a valentine party in my house.. i think that's would be great.. tapi kalo mikir bakal ada kk gw, bonyok, pembokat n sekretaris nyokap.. kayanya bakalan ga seru --.--' ngapain yahhhhh.. hmm pegi ke suatu tempat yg gw ga perna pergi yg rada jauh gitu yg romantis, keren juga kali yah hueheuheee.. pokoknya gw pengen ada yg beda di valentine nanti, entah itu apaan.. gw sendiri masi ga tau.. ya tapi pengen seh ngumpul2 lagi ma temen2, ngafe gitu kaya dulu.. itu pun kalo mereka mau hehe.. soalnya u know lah.. valentine's day gitu loh.. pasti pada pengen berduaan doank lah hehe..

dohhh kayanya gara2 gw dari kemaren2 itu baca novel roman de.. jadi gini de gw.. nglamun beginian heuheuee.. hmm.. tapi kalo di cerita2 gitu apa di film, pasti keren banget de.. kayanya semua cowo di crita tu yg sweet banget gituh.. ngasi surprise2 yg kayanya gimana gituh de.. yg bisa bikin cewe melayang gituh hahaa.. terus juga yg romantis abis gituh.. sayang banget.. di reality ga kaya gitu.. hehe namanya juga cerita ya pasti harus gitu lah yah.. tipe2 perfect life gitu hehe.. kalo ga malah jadi ga seru kali yah.. orang juga malah jadi males baca ;p tapi dampak buruknya gini neh kaya gw... jadi suka nglamunin 'n ngarep2 yg kayanya susahhhh banget de bisa bener2 kejadian hehee..

huahhhhh.. malah jadi ngelamun yg masi jauh gini hehe.. abis gw stress kalo mikir besok presentasi gw ga ngerti apa2 gitu (>.<) udah ah.. gw mo jauh2 dari kompi dulu de.. mo istirahat aja ^^

~* sick >.< *~

2005-09-05T14:59:00.000+10:00

adohhhh sakit tu ga enak banget yahhh.. seharian boboan doank kerjaannya.. ga bisa ngapa2in.. padahal pengen beberes, masak, nyuci baju kaya biasanya --.--' tapi lemessssss banget.. terus pusingnya ga tahannnnn.. gila banget de.. da bosen banget.. ga tau mo ngapain.. jadinya nulis2 aja de hehehee..

gawat banget de.. besok ada presentasi lagi.. mana gurunya rada2 killer gituh.. mati lah gw.. besok harus sembuh neh.. harus !!!!!! kalo ga bisa gawat bangetttttttt (>.<)

huahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. BOSENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.. ngapain donkkkkkzzzzzzz...??????????

~* hope *~

2005-09-02T19:29:00.000+10:00

" I close my eyes and pray all my wishes come true
ev'ry night I go to sleep...

Fairy tales, they do sometimes come true
If you believe, it could happen to you..."

hmm mungkin ga seh itu terjadi ma gw.. just wondering aja seh.. beberapa hari ini, perasaan rasanya campur aduk banget.. ga enak.. bener2 ga enak.. ga tau knapa.. mo curhat juga ga bisa karna ga tau ngomongnya gimana.. yg ada gw cuma bisa doa doank sekarang.. n berharap.. walopun gw beneran takut sama namanya 'hope' karna biasanya yg terjadi tu malah kebalikannya (>.<)

temen gw baru aja bilang "there is a knob in even every door...find urs.." it seems hard to find it..

huahh.. ga tau mo nulis apa seh sebenernya.. ya uda lah.. gw coba cari kesibukan biar ga kepikiran..

~* Beautiful Quotes *~

2005-09-01T11:54:00.000+10:00

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

The power of imagination makes us infinite.
John Muir

Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
Mahatma Gandhi

~* u brighten up my day.. *~

2005-08-31T19:12:00.000+10:00

in these past few weeks.. it seems that my day's getting brighter everyday.. maybe since i joined PD hehe.. i feel joy everytime i go to St. Agustin and meet my friends.. it's just different.. totally different.. i feel like i found true friends in here.. the same feeling that i have when i was back in indo.. thanks to all of u guys.. now, i can settle my life a bit in Melb.. i feel that i have friends around me.. this year seems to be different.. all things are improving in my life..

hmm.. aniway.. i just watch SKELETON KEY with my friends.. i thought it was a horror kinda movie.. but it wasn't.. it's more like a thriller i guess.. it made me jumps up from my seat many times (>.<) jeeezzzz.. lucky me i don't have a heart problem --.--'

hmm.. talking about my shopping habit.. i think it's getting better now.. i feel comfortable to stay at home all day long.. not like before.. hehe.. now, almost everyday, i clean my house, cook and wash my clothes haha.. i have to many new clothes and i haven't got a chance to wash them.. huahhhh.. and i start to read novel again huehueee..

aniway.. tomorrow i'll have an excursion to go to Fed Square to see some exhibition.. kinda scary i guess bcoz it related to the last horror movie that i watch last saturday.. called THE SHUTTER.. omg.. that movie is really terrified (>.<) i've been watching horror movie these past 2 weeks.. the week before i was watching THE EYE 10.. it was also terrifying (>.<) have to stop watch this kind of movie i guess..

huahhhh.. 2 o'clock already.. i think i better go to sleep.. have to get up early tomorrow.. ^^

~* Forbidden Apple *~

2005-08-26T17:12:00.000+10:00

today, after class, me n friends went to La Porchetta to eat pizzas and pasta. it's been a long time i didn't eat pizza. finish eating those pizzas, i ordered "forbidden apple" as the desert. that's the only desert i always want everytime i eat in that restaurant. it's taste really good !! white liquor chocolate as the apple skin and as the inside, there are 3 layers of ice creams.. vanilla, hazelnut and 1 other flavor which i don't know the name but the taste blends with the cherry pieces really well. in the center of it, there is a cherry that taste so weird (>.<) cherry with herb flavor i should say.. it taste a bit of pepper and some other ingredients from India or something like that.. taste absolutely weird (>.<) i'm so full until now.. and feel really tired dunno why.. i think i better go to sleep.. nitez guys..

~* CooK !! CooK !! CooK !! *~

2005-08-25T16:34:00.000+10:00

huahhh.. dari kemaren da kepengen banget de bikin steak.. kesampean juga akhirnya huahauhaua.. tadi pulang langsung masakkk !!! ;p bikin steak and soup vegie biar seimbang haha.. plus orange+mango juice as the drink.. huahhhhh enak buangettttt huahauhauhauaa... blakangan gi gila masak and beberes rumah neh --.--' tandanya gw gi stress banget kali yah hahahaa.. tiap ari kerjaannya.. pulang rumah, masak, beberes, nyuci baju, baru de online hahaa.. hmm besok masak apaa yahhh??? huahuahuaa.. chicken teriyaki ahhhhhh ;p

sekarang tiap malem kerasanya capeeeee buanget de (>.<) jam segini aja da ngantuk buanget.. jarang2 gw begini.. tapi bagus lah hahaa.. hmm semester ini rasanya ga seberat semester2 sebelomnya de.. enak banget rasanya ^^ tiap sabtu bisa pegi dengan tenangnya tanpa harus ngerjain studio yg biasanya kerjaannya seabrek2 (>.<) modelling juga ilang.. tandanya hidup gw uda mule sehat hahahaa.. abis biasanya ngecet2, ngamplas dll dsb yg toxic2 ga jelas ituh.. aiyohhhhh..

hmm.. ya uda ah segini dulu.. mo bobo !!! +_+ da ngantuk bangettt.. capeee (>.<)

~* ReLieVe *~

2005-08-23T16:26:00.000+10:00

huah.. after 2 weeks full of assignments, now i can breath.. ^^ finally.. projects one end.. next week we'll begin projects two.. hope it's gonna be better ^_- hmm.. today, i feel like wanna cook something hehe.. so i went to safeway after finish my class.. and bought lots of vegies and meats hehe.. so i cook something else at least for the next 3 days hehe.. this is the first time, i cooked rawon hueheuee.. taste a bit plain (>.<) i think because i put too much water in it.. haha.. but it's still fine hehe.. after that i cleaned my apartment as what i always do these past few weeks hehe.. now, i feel so tired (>.<) i think i better go to sleep, so i can get up early tomorrow and start my day by selecting my old clothes so i can give it to the church on sunday ^^ i have too much clothes already until they can't even fit my wardrobe (>.<) hoahmmm.. i think that's all for today..

~* I look up so the tears won't fall.. *~

2005-08-12T13:47:00.000+10:00

today, i have CAD presentation. This time is really different. I started my rendering on sunday, although i still need to do some more last night, but at least i didn't do it the whole night. I'm quite satisfy with my first rendering, altough it doesn't look like the real product, at least i'm happy with it. Sadly, i can't stick with it when everyone told me to make the real product. So, i started new rendering with new materials and environment. Everytime i finished my rendering, i always ask my friends' opinion. And all i can say is, that was the stupidest thing i've ever done. I don't even care with my own taste. You know what i've got in my presentation?? yea.. my lecturer keep asking me a lot of questions that i couldn't even find the answer.. he didn't even allow me to explain things..he says, "just accept it that your presentation is fucked up.." it was really pissing me off.. i do wanna cry at that moment.. why it has to be me?? why he makes me feel like i'm the stupidest person in class?? why?? so after all presentation finished, i talked to him 'bout this thing. and guess what did he say to me?? he says, "i'm asking you all the questions because you are a strong girl, you're not easily get upset, you're not crying.. all the work that you've done is really good.. i just want to make you as an example for everyone else in the class, so next time you and them know what to do.." then i explained everythings to him.. and yea.. listening to other people can become my worst problem ever.. i shown him my renderings that i'm gonna put in my presentation before.. i didn't put it because everyone thinks that it's ugly bla bla bla.. and guess what?? he likes it.. he says, "this is the thing that you have to show everyone in your presentation.." damn.. i feel like wanna cry.. i shouldn't listen to others opinion.. i should just go with my own taste.. and btw i'm not that strong.. seriously.. i'm fragile.. maybe people think that i'm strong to face all the things.. but they don't know what happen when i got home.. all i can do now is only regreting what i've done.. it was seriously pissing me off.. never feel like this before..

~* Week of Hell is Coming Soon *~

2005-07-31T20:56:00.000+10:00

huaaaa.. next week all assignment are dueee !! mannnn.. have to start it from today i guess.. otherwise i won't be sleeping for that whole week (>.<) huah.. many works i have to do..

my wish for now is still the same i guess.. want to go back to indo.. i wanna go shopping at mangdu haha.. must be sooooo much cheaper than here LOL.. also want to eat the food loh.. i'm craving on guava right nowww !! want to eat that so bad.. yesterday i went to VicMart just to buy a guava.. but i couldn't find any of it.. aiyoooo.. noone sell it here.. in 2 years time i've been living here, i think i just saw a guava once in safeway.. and the price is so expensive.. $10 for 1 guava.. aiyaaa.. i can buy maybe 10kg of guavas back in Indo.. huahhh.. makes me wanna go back there as soon as i can (>.<)

~* Worship The Waste *~

2005-07-23T16:46:00.000+10:00

today, i went to Merri Creek at East Brunswick for my studies subject. This subject is about sustainability.. and all the things have the relation with recycle product. So i visited the land full of waste, including human waste (>.<) and i saw many poo there.. [[iyuuuhhhhh (>.<)]] i spent 4 hours with my studies group looking at the recycling process. it's really make me sick. the bad is, at lunch time, we still have to stay there for about 1 more hours. most of my friends buy food and drink from the cafe which is using all the recycling stuff. i feel wanna throw up when i imagine all the stuff i'm gonna eat have a connection with our poo.. [[iyuuuuhhhhhh (>.<)]] and the worse is before lunch time, we visited the room under the composite toilet.. you know what i found there right??? all yackie stuff.. [[iyuuuhhhhhh (>.<)]] that's the first time i feel really sick and can't eat although i was very hungry..

after site visit end, me and my friends went to Blok M, which is Indonesian Restaurant at South Yarra. we decided to go there because we're using daily ticket today, so we don't wanna waste it.. hahaha.. [[ indo bangett !!! LOL ;p ]] it took about 1 hour to reach the restaurant and we still have to wait about 30minutes 'til the food is ready. i think, the food taste better than usual hahaha maybe because i was so hungry (>.<) usually i can't even finish one meal, but today, i was still hungry after i finished the whole meal.. OMG..

Again, because of our daily ticket, so me and daniel decided to go to Chapel St. which is one block away from Blok M. I bought a white leather jacket which is quite cheap because it's a lil bit dirty. but noone can see it beside me anyway, so i still buy it ^^ after looking around, i found an awesome boots that i really want to buy.. but it's too expensive..so i decided to think about it first hehe..

Finish walking around Chapel St., we're going to the city and continue our shop hunting hahaha.. i went to the branch store, where i found the boots, in the city.. they have it in cheaper price.. it's kinda weird. same brand store just different location but sell same item with different price. sadly, they don't get my size there. so i asked them to call their other store to check whether they have it or not. and they told me the bourke st. store have it. so i went there straight away. too bad the shopkeeper is quite annoying (>.<) she didn't give me the same price with the store at flinders lane..yea rite, 3 stores with 3 different prices.. annoying (>.<) *sigh.. because i really want the boots so i talked to the other girl to give me lower price, and she said, she will try to transfer the shoes to the flinders lane store.. thanks God i can meet this girl. but the other girl is still annoying, yelling and angry to this girl. they're talking in mandarin, so i don't understand. but i knew that it's about the boots.. hmm i hope i can get the boots with the cheapest price.. if it so, then that will be the best boot i have ever had ^^

after that, we went to eat Pancake for our dinner ^_- then went to Laguna because i wanna buy Kangkung there.. it's so cheap. but too bad it's not fresh. so i decided to went home..

huah.. feel sleepy now, a bit tired and maybe because i couldn't sleep yesterday as well..(>.<) *sigh i still can't focus on what my lecturer's saying.. my mind still not here at the moment..

~* Life is the process of finding love *~

2005-07-23T16:14:00.000+10:00

every person will need to find four people in their life.

First person is you,
Second person is the one you love most,
Third person is the one who love you most,
And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life.

In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn how love feels.
Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who loves you most.
When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most.
Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.

The one you love most doesnt love you.
The one, who love you most, is never the one you love most.
And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most.
He is just the person who person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.

Which person are you in other peoples life?

No person will purposely have a change at heart.
At the point in time when he loves you, he really loves you.
But when he doesnt love you anymore, he really doesnt love you anymore.
When he loves you, he cant pretend that he doesnt.
Same goes, when he loves you no more, theres noway he can pretend he loves you.

When a person doesnt love you and wants to leave you, you must ask yourself is you still love him,
If you also dont love him anymore, do not keep him just to save your pride.
If you still love him, you should wish him happiness,
And hope that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it.
If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows you already dont love him, and if you dont love him, what rights do have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive, just like the moon, you cant just take it down and put it in your basin,but the moonlight still shines upon you.
In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let him become a permanent memory in your life.
If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is.
Love him for his good points, and the bad, you cant wish for him to become what you want him to be just because you love him.
If he cant change to become what you want him to be, you dont love him anymore.

When you really love a person, you cant find a reason why you love him, you only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood,you will wish to have this person be with you.
Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criteria.
In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end. Being away from each other is a type of test,if the relationship isnt strong, then you can only admit defeat?

When two people are in love,
They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises.
Why do they ask each other to swear and promise?
Because they dont trust each other, they dont trust their lover.
These swear and promises are useless, till the skyfalls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change!
We all know that the sky will never fall, the ocean will never dry, even if it does happen, are we still alive by then?

Be careful when making promises,
Dont make promises that you cant keep.
In relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another, the one saying, doesnt believe, the one listening, also doesnt believe.

~* Back To Uni *~

2005-07-22T16:30:00.000+10:00

today, i feel like i'm not living in this world.. can't focus on anything.. my mind goes somewhere else.. still having problem with my crappy grammar (>.<) it's been one month i didn't talk in english.. lose some of my vocabs.. all crappy things happen today (>.<) feel like crying inside my heart T.T all i know, all i can feel is just one.. i miss u..

i think it's too late to realise that you're important for me.. it's true by losing you now i know how much you are worth for me.. i wish i knew it before, maybe things will work out better.. sorry.. but i hope you're happy for the past few days before you leave 'til now.. thanks for your understanding..

~* Another goodbye... *~

2005-07-21T18:39:00.000+10:00

3 pm today..

we are still having fun. making joke of each others. having lunch together.. i feel so happy.. weird.. it is weird.. i should be sad by the time i woke up today.. but that's not what i feel..

6 pm today..

i have to go to my class and you have to go home.. i thought that would be the last time i see you.. but still.. happiness are staying around me and you.. sweet goodbye with sweetest smile and laugh.. still teasing each other.. no tears..

8.41 pm today..

suddenly one of my friend called me, but i couldn't pick it up. my teacher is keep staring at me. but lucky me, i had finished my presentation at that time.. although it's an awful one (>.<) ..keep thinking.. my mind has gone somewhere else.. not at this place.. so i decided to message my friend..

9.14 pm today..

still thinking.. should i go or not.. i don't wanna go because i might break our promise.. my mind keep telling me to stay and try to focussing to what my client say.. it is important for me to stay. i have another presentation next week..showing my design ability and try to impress him.. but.. my heart tells me to go..

9.29 pm today..

i decided to follow my heart and go.. i don't care anymore about my teacher, my client and my work.. i just want to meet him and say goodbye..

9.43 pm today..

i was running.. keep running although my shoes are so slippery.. almost fall down couple of times.. bourke st. tram stop.. the tram is there. "i'm so lucky," i say to myself.. try to catch it as fast as i can.. but there's a work construction.. i have to go the other way and try to run faster.. sadly, the tram is leaving by the time i got there.. "i can't give up," i said.. so i looked at the timetable.. dissapointed.. have to wait for 10 minutes 'til the next tram arrive..

9.45 pm today..

try to find another way and still not give up to myself.. so, i go to collins st. to catch tram there altough it will stop 2 blocks away from the bus stop.. there are no trams.. silence.. the timetable shows that another tram will arrive in 3 minutes.. so happy at that time..

9.48 pm today..

there is no sign of tram coming.. i feel hopeless.. i have to get to the bus station by 12 minutes.. don't think can make it.. so i called him and said that i can't make it.. still hoping a miracle..

9.51 pm today..

the tram is coming.. i get in and then tell the driver to stop at spencer st. ..9 minutes left.. still hoping i can meet him for the last time..

9.55 pm today..

i get off the tram and waiting for the green light on.. 2 minutes waiting.. still red.. suddenly, i saw a man.. he is trying to get into a white bus.. "there is no sign of bus stop around here," i told myself.. after knocking the door a few times, the driver lets him in.. unconciously, i follow that man and get into the bus.. i ask the driver about the place i'm heading to.. he told me, "it's just over there" but i keep asking to take me to the bus station.. suddenly, he says, "ok, i'll take you there" .. i smile then sitting near to the driver.. keep looking at the bus window.. i don't even know that place.. never go there before..

9.59 pm today..

i arrive at the bus station.. all of my friends are waiting for me.. including the bus driver.. we get into the bus directly.. sitting at the back left corner of the bus.. smiling.. miracle do happen this time..

10.20 pm today..

airport.. the place that i hate most.. i never find happiness there.. only sadness around me when i'm in that place.. but i remember our promise to leave without tears.. so i say to myself, this time will be different..

11.23 pm today..

time for him to get into the plane.. still smiling, laughing and teasing each other.. but the tears suddenly start dropping from my eyes.. i keep telling myself, this time will be different.. i have to keep my promise.. so i'm staring at his eyes, smiling and say, "this time will be different.. i save my tears for another time.. 3 months later, you're gonna be my driver.. remember, 3 months.." we start to laugh and smile again..

11.27 pm today..

one of my friend ask us to pray together for him.. i'm sorry, i can't focus on what you're saying.. i'll pray for him later.. tears start dropping again.. i have to stop it.. remember our promise..

11.33 pm today..

he is walking to the big white glass door.. i say to myself, i can smile.. i don't want him to be sad.. by the time he turned around, i smile at him, wave my hand and say goodbye.. he's smiling back at me.. our sweetest promise.. we made it..

00.25 am..

start writing this blog.. i want to remember every single miracle that happen today.. happiness still with me now but the tears start dropping again.. it's ok.. only 3 months.. i can wait...

~* SIN CITY *~

2005-07-19T11:20:00.000+10:00

kemaren malem temen gw ultah gitu terus kita ber4 mutusin buat nonton SIN CITY.. ya elah tu movie.. baru 10 menit aja orang2 da pada keluar gitu.. kirain cuma trailernya doank yg item putih, ternyata sampe the end juga item putih.. boring abis.. critanya bener2 ga jelas gitu, ga ada juntrungannya.. sadis seh tapi item putih tetep aja ga seru.. mendingan nonton kill bill kemana2 de.. gara2 review 3 seh tuh.. bilangnya 10/10 gila banget !! ga banget kayanya de.. 0/10 kali tuh.. ga ada bagus2nya sama sekali.. cuma kaya orang bacain novel gitu.. ga jelas abis..

niweyz.. gi ngidam sate ayam nih dari kemarennnn.... plus garlic bread hohoho.. pengen banget ga tau knapa.. moga2 ada de di blok m... huahuahuaa.. huaaaaaaaaaaaa... ya uda ah.. ke blok m dulu.. makan sate ayam huahuahua yummyyyyyyyyyyyy ;p

~* every second i breathe.. *~

2005-07-17T11:58:00.000+10:00

every second i breathe, i take you inside, so i feel alive all the time..

once you're not here by my side, the whole world seems so empty..

take me away from the dark side..

~* so tired.. *~

2005-07-15T18:39:00.000+10:00

huah.. cape bgt de.. dari kemaren kerja malem mulu, baru pulang jam 12an terus gitu.. capenyaa ga tahan de.. hari ini jadinya ga kuliah lagi de (>.<) ga enak badan gitu.. parah banget de.. untung hari ini terakhir kerja.. jadi gw bisa istirahat.. besok ga tau nih bisa bangun ga kuliah pagi.. males bgt de rasanya (>.<)

at least, capenya fisik seh bukan cape pikiran.. ga lama juga ilang lah.. ^^ huah.. capeee.. ngantuk.. pengen tidur tapi kenyang tadi baru aja makan (>.<) bentar lagi lah.. hmm.. ga tau mo crita apa.. gi pengen ngisi blog aja, abisnya da jarang diupdate hehe..

ngiri neh temen2 pada balik indo, jadi banyak acara, gw juga pengennn.. tar ah akhir taun bikin acara lagi kaya waktu itu pasti seru de ^^ can't wait til end of this yearrrr !!! miss u guys a lot !!

hmm uda dulu de.. mo istirahat.. kaki da pegel bgt..

~* ..akhirnya yg tersisa hanyalah air mata.. *~

2005-07-10T23:24:00.000+10:00

semua orang pasti punya impian.. entah itu ttg seseorang ataupun sebuah barang.. tapi hidup ini tidak seperti yg dibayangkan.. semuanya berbeda.. dalam hal cowo.. tiap cewe pasti punya tipenya masing2.. tapi pada akhirnya malah jadian ma orang yg bener2 beda jauh dari tipe yg cewe itu suka.. apakah rasa suka itu bener2 dateng sebelom rasa sayang?? ada yg bilang, walopun dia ga suka ma tu cowo tapi dia sayang.. jadi apa definisi sayang??

gw sendiri masi ga tau.. dan kalo ditanya kenapa gw sayang ma seseorang, gw bakal bilang gw ga tau. it doesn't need any reason, does it?

sometimes, hidup itu ga seperti yg kita inginkan.. better to go with flow kalo menurut gw.. tapi gimana tentang pilihan dalam hidup?? semuanya pada akhirnya punya makna masing2.. tapi apakah kita tau makna itu sebelum kita ngejalanin? ngga kan.. that's the hardest thing in life..

kalo bilang idup itu ga fair, ya emang di dunia ini ga ada yg perfect. jadi apa definisi hidup yg fair? buat gw, asal ada keseimbangan antara kesedihan dan kebahagiaan itu uda fair.. ga mungkin selalu hepi setiap saat kan? sometimes, we have to realise that we need to face reality.. kita ga bisa idup cuma di dalam mimpi2 kita.. dimana kita bisa milih mana yg mo dijalanin.. semuanya kerasa perfect.. kalo ada yg kurang kita bisa balik ke masa2 itu dan benerin semuanya.. tapi hidup itu ga kaya gitu kan?? bukan kita perlu balik ke masa lalu untuk benerin semuanya, yg kita perluin itu justru kita harus bisa ngambil pelajaran dari situ supaya nantinya ga keulang lagi.. tapi kalo uda yg namanya berhubungan sama sifat bawaan dari lahir, mo gimana pun ga akan bisa berubah.. itu yg gw tau..

hmm.. hal terberat dalam hidup itu bukan berurusan sama nyawa sendiri tapi sama nyawa orang laen.. tau rasanya kaya gitu?? gw tau karna itu yg gw alamin sampe sekarang.. kadang kita pengen ga peduli, jalanin apa yang kita mau aja.. tapi tetep hati ga ngebolehin.. yg pada akhirnya hidup kita malah lebih sengsara dari orang itu tanpa tu orang sadari.. mungkin buat dia selama kita masi bisa bertahan dia ga peduli, dia cuma mikirin diri sendiri.. tapi begitu ada sesuatu.. langsung jadi fragile.. kaya tembok kokoh yg selama ini dibangun tiba2 bisa runtuh cuma karna ketimpuk bola tenis.. aneh ya hidup itu.. hidup yg dipunya cuma satu.. tapi somehow kita harus jalanin hidup orang laen juga..

mungkin gw yg harusnya tau cara face the reality and simply think that my life is my own.. so i can decide which one better for me.. tapi kalo gitu jadi keliatan egois banget yah? hmm..

kalo otak uda ga bisa mikir akhirnya hati juga yg berbicara.. jadi kenapa ga dari pertama aja pake hati?? sometimes, apa yg diucapin seseorang itu percuma.. lebih kerasa berharga kalo sesuatu ga diucapkan tapi bisa dirasakan..

hmm kayanya segini dulu renungan gw buat hari ini..

for someone out there, thanks uda bikin gw sadar dan ngerasa 'hidup' lagi.. thank you banget buat doa2nya selama ini.. sekarang gw uda sadar ttg tindakan gw selama ini.. sorry uda bikin lu ngerasa hidup ini ga fair gara2 gw.. sorry karna selama ini gw harus memendam 'sesuatu' yang harusnya jadi milik loe.. thanks and sorry for everything.. hope everything is gonna be fine for you after the sunrise today..

~* Memories.. *~

2005-07-04T21:58:00.000+10:00

why i keep looking at the past? i shouldn't do that.. keep regreting my foolishness.. argghh when will this feeling stop? i can't take it anymore.. *sigh i have to move on.. i do have to..

for sum1 .. u know who u are .. if u read this.. well i don't think you would though.. aniway, u got the same karma as me, don't ya? how does it feel?? bad huh..?? good you still can go on with your life.. i'm happy for you.. finally you found your lost soul and filling your days with rainbow.. enjoy ur day with ur cherry.. and please don't do the same 'thing' again.. u know how it feels..

hmm.. feels a bit relieved although it's 1/100 chance for him to read this but it's fine.. i think he forget the past already.. seems to me that i have to forget it too.. i have to move on.. my life is still going.. i'll try to forgive myself although it's really hard to do.. i want to get out from this empty room to the land of happiness..

~* Lesson of Life *~

2005-07-04T18:17:00.000+10:00

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself..

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have..

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time..

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that..

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different..

I've learned that we never know how much something worth until we lose it..

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help..

last...

Hope a little for tomorrow..

~* Breathe Again *~

2005-07-04T17:50:00.000+10:00

Have you wondered how it feels when its all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start a new
Never knowin where you goin
when you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say

i just wanna breathe again
learn to face the joy and pain
discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more

i just wanna face the day
forget about the woes of yesterday
maybe if i hope a little try a little more
i'll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
disspointments come and go
but life still moves on
with a bit of luck its a brand new start
Then might just work my way
no need to walk away
don't wanna live a life's replay

Things will work out fine
If you can't find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

~* Portrait of a Friend *~

2005-07-02T20:52:00.000+10:00

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we willsearch for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,nor the future with its untold stories.But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;I can only support you, encourage you,and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me.I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,But I can cry with you and help you pick up the piecesand put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.I can only love you and be your friend.

~* sad... *~

2005-07-02T20:48:00.000+10:00

i've been really really sad for these past few days.. feel so lonely like i just live alone in this world.. keep remembering the past really put me into a deep sorrow mood.. seems all the memories just make me sad.. especially the stupid mistake ever i have made in my life.. been really sorry for that person for 5 years.. still never hear anywords come from his mouth.. i just wanna hear somewords from him.. anything.. even if it's really hurt for me.. it's fine bcoz i knoe it's my fault.. but please.. can we be just friend like we used to? do you really want to hate me forever? hmm.. hope he can answer those questions..

~* free like birds fly in the sky *~

2005-06-15T16:03:00.000+10:00

[indo mode: on]

wahhh akhirnya hari ini terakhir ngumpulin tugas.. legaaaaaaaaaaaaaa buanget d rasanya ^^ kaya burung lepas dari sangkar huahauhaua.. enak buanget deee.. tadi abis ngumpulin tugas terus jalan2 bentar.. beli piso cukur sama sisir buat my lophly dogie diindo.. sekalian buat titipan juga hehe... terus tadinya seh mo window shopping doank soalnya tar jumat mo shopping ma feli heuheue.. tapi ya gimanaaa.. akhirnya beli 1 item juga d ;p mendingla.. tadi uda ditahan2 kalo ga perlu ga beli.. huahuaa tapi tetep aja ada 1 yg ga bisa ditahan kepengenannya.. jadi d beli blazer jeans with pink buttons low hahaha.. gw seneng bgt dapet tu blazer.. tapi emang blakangan demen bgt beli blazer.. da ada 3 d skarang -.-' minggu kemaren gw beli tweed blazer warna ijo geto.. sebelomnya beli formal blazer kaya orang kantor.. hahahhaa parah abis ah gw kalo lagi addictive ma sumthing.. jgn ampe terus2an aja kaya gw ma barang yg namanya 'tas' .. hahaha bisa gawat ;p

hmm pengen banget beli boots nehhhh.. curang d.. di amrik barangnya lebih murah2 daripada disini.. kalo sale juga beneran sale.. harganya turun jaoh abis geto, ga kaya disini.. tapi gpp la.. disini aja gw da parah gimana kalo gw diamrik.. bisa ga makan ntar gw hahahahhaaha...

wahhhhh.. hepi bgt de.. tadi bongkar2 koleksi lagu indo jaman baheula terus nemu lagu2 fave geto yg gw cari2 da ampir setaon -.-' ... ini bongkar2 juga berhubung temen gw minta lagunya glenn yg taon 2000 gila abis hahaha.. iyah sekarang gi dengerin kahitna nih.. album paling bagus.. yg covernya ijo2 ituh.. ga tau seh judulnya apa.. lupa.. pokoknya lagunya enak2 buanget hahahhaa.. sama lembayung balinya saras dewi n angannya envie... wahhhh enak bgt d.. bener2 berasa holidae bgt nih ^_- enak kali ya sambil beberes biar pikiran makin fresh ehhehee.. hmmm ya uda d.. segini dolo.. tar lanjut lagiii.. thatha...

~* this is not enough.. *~

2005-06-14T22:20:00.000+10:00

*sigh* it's all i can do right now.. since my friend asked my suggestion about his friend's b'day planning, i've been thinking about my words quite a lot.. 'til now I should say.. why i never satisfied with what i have right now? my friends, my family, my condition, my result, my love life.. everything.. it's just.. *sigh* i dunno what to say.. everytime i told my friend to do something romantic to his gf.. i always say.. i wish i was that person.. i would be so happy.. it's just never enough for me.. why?? is it because of my nature condition as a human who never satisfied with what they have?? hmm.. maybe..

i've been thinking a lot lately.. esp. because of my 'design psychology' subject that makes me think 100 times harder than usual.. what i get from that subject is only one sentence...

..maybe something better left unexplained..

~* it's been a while.. *~

2005-06-11T20:34:00.000+10:00

wah.. finally.. i almost finish this semester.. feel a bit relieved *lol* just need to finish 1 more essay and then done !! hahahaa.. i wanna work.. collecting money then go shopping ;p btw i never realised that accessories hold an important role in fashion.. 2 days ago when i went shopping.. i try a hobo necklace and when i look to the mirror, it seems match with my style that day.. looks better i think than when i'm wearing my silver JAG necklace.. looks more like a hobo *lol* i just like that style lately..

hmm.. holiday.. since i do casual job at myer in my holiday time, now i don't event think going somewhere in my holiday, i just wanna work !! hahaa.. it feels great when you can spend the money u get by yourself.. hmm i spend my 1 day salary already.. hix.. have to do more saving for shopping in Indo.. hahaha..

anyway,.. i miss my friends in Indo.. wish they miss me too.. well it will be good if they still remember me.. it's been 2 years i was away from Indo.. they have their own new friends as well.. it's good though to prove if they are really my soulfriend .. they will still remember me until i'm die..

waaaaa... the last paragraph .. i think it's because my meditation hahaha.. doing this psychology thingo hahaa.. well anyway.. i think i better do my essay now.. feel a bit blurry (>.<)

~* Wrong Course?! *~

2005-04-25T21:31:00.000+10:00

*sigh* am i in the right course or not?! since semester 2 i realized that i'm not in the right course.. design ... (>.<) what can i tell?? it's not like what everybody think 'bout this course.. it's definitely opposite of it.. it's not easy.. it's a tough course.. have to be struggle all the time.. doing the assingments that are never stop.. *sigh* i want to quit.. it's killin' me.. i want to sleep everyday.. i want to be relax.. and enjoy my life.. what should i do??

~* Jack Johnson ROCKS !!! *~

2005-04-22T17:28:00.000+10:00

huahuahuaa... yea !! i like jack johnson's song lately hehee... it's just make me feel relax.. maybe the songs for my blog will be his song one by one continously until i get bored huhuhu.. i wanna make something different by putting r n b songs to my blog actually hhee.. well we'll see later on ;p

waaa.. i feel quite relax now.. nothing due tomorrow and i get long weekend as well.. i think i'm gonna go shopping on sunday .. hehe.. i wanna go to IKEA hehe.. looking for some good and cheap furnitures for my new apartment hahahaa... if i can't find it.. maybe i'm gonna make it hehehe.. it's cheaper though.. and quite easy.. the problem is i don't have time !!! arghhh.. i always wanna do something "fun".. that word is refering to what i feel as a fun activity for myself hehehe.. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... can't wait to go shopping !!!! hehee...

~* FeeLin' FresH.. ^^ *~

2005-04-17T13:18:00.000+10:00

today, i went to Chapel St. to go shopping !! woohoo.. ^^ as i said yesterday, i'm so stress lately so i definitely have to go shopping hehe.. and it was fun.. and really really worth to go to chapel st. today because they got lots of unique and great stuff on sale.. i bought a pair of white pump shoes today hehe.. finally i have one in Melb ;p and a white top.. actually i wanna buy all the stuff in pink color, but my friend told me that i've already have lots of pink stuff in Melb.. so yeah.. I choose white... white is good though because it's a neutral color .. hmm.. i think i better continue my work now.. i feel so fresh.. hehe.. hope i can finish the report today ^^ o btw.. i found a good apartment today.. it was soooooo good.. i wanna move there soon.. as soon as i can hehe.. hope noone apply for it before me ^^ waa.. can't wait to decorate my own room hehe...

~* It's getting too Much for me.. *~

2005-04-16T21:18:00.000+10:00

i'm so stress right now.. so many things to do but so little time to spend *sigh* i have to finish my model on monday.. and my skydiving research is due on tuesday.. omg.. how can i do both of them?!!? it's just too much for me.. i need some rest.. and i need to go shopping.. definitely !! this semester is really killing me.. all projects are overlapping.. *sigh* all of my teachers always say that our uni time is just 6months.. and we get 6months off.. but still.. it's better to have 4 months holiday and we can get some rest through the semester.. errr.. i think i better stop complaining about this and go back to my work.. hope i can finish all of them on time ^^ hmm o yeahhh.. i wanna add a wishlist on my blog if i have time hehe.. for now i wanna have a skinny jeans, 9west 'wrap it up bag', pink burberry handbag and i want to wear my pink pump shoes.. it's in indo.. hix.. have to wait 'til the end of the year..

~* New bLog *~

2005-04-15T16:59:00.000+10:00

whoaaaaaaaaaa... it's been a while since the last post.. i'm so busy with my uni projects (>.<) esp. the new one.. i have to make a blog for my ipod investigation.. so yeah.. i've done it today.. it's quite hard.. because i have to modify the skin in photoshop..and then put so many things there.. too many that i have to modify.. but finally i've done it hahahaha... feel relieved now ;p o yeah.. nedi helps me to make the blog.. i can't do it alone (>.<) i'm still a beginner hahahhaaaa...

wahhhh.. one finished.. others still waiting (>.<) i need to do lots of research on skydiving.. hope i can done it well.. have to do the interview as well.. i wish i have car in here.. so i can easily reach the place.. but since i don't have it.. i don't know what to do .. my teacher wants us to give the prove if we're interviewed someone.. *sigh* i have to find the way out as soon as i can.. my time is running out so fast ..

aniway.. this is the address of my ipod investigation blog..
http://world-of-ipod.blogspot.com/

visit it if you have time and put some CONTRUCTIVE comments only k?? because it's for my project.. so if you know something about ipod just put your comments there.. thanks ^^

~* PoEm... *~

2005-04-11T20:36:00.000+10:00

when i was browsing the net looking for the new blogskin for my project, i found this poem..

if i had a star for everytime you brightened my day
i'd be holding the galaxy in my hands
----------------------------------------------------

before i met you, my life had no meaning
but now that we are together it feels as if i am dreaming
i never dreamt there would come a day that a love like yours would come my way
i never thought i would feel like this that so much would come from just one kiss
we have so much more then i thought we would
i love you more then i thought i could
all i want is to be part of your heart for us to be together never apart
i love you so much in every single way
i don't think you'll fully understand how you've touched my life and made me who i am
you are my prince charming and i ask for nothing more
you changed me for the better.. i'm nothing like before
you are my world.. my dream come true
you're my inspiration for all that i do
you're my lover, my soul mate and my friend and i hope our love will never end
i promise to give you all i have to give
i'll do anything for you as long as i live
in your eyes i see our present, our future and the past
by the way you look at me i know our love will last
before you, there was no happiness and i didn't know what love would bring
but it brought me to you; my everything
for these are the reasons i shall say that our love will last till my dying day...

~* ShopAhoLic *~

2005-03-31T12:55:00.000+10:00

yea yea.. i'm the shopaholic.. maybe the worst shopper ever (>.<) yesterday, i went to bridge road with 2 friends. we shop a lot haha.. but me .. as usual.. buy lots of bags (>.<) can't resist my feelin' for not buying them.. i have almost 1 cupboard full of bags in indo.. and in melb, i have more than 20 bags i think .. wew.. i dun think i can stop buying more bags haha.. ;p beside bags, i bought some party clothes hehe.. dunno when i will have party in here.. but i just like it.. so i bought it hahaha.. bad excuses.. i knoe.. (>.<) everytime i go shopping, i never know what i'm gonna buy.. i just buy everything that i like haha.. bad bad bad.. i have lots of stuff that i never used until now.. maybe i bought it last year, or 5 years ago.. i dunno.. but i never use it.. sometimes when i try the clothes in the fitting room.. it fits me really really well.. so i bought it.. but when i want to use it later on.. it's just look not good on me (>.<) it happens soo often.. *sigh* and lately, the reason i bought something is just because they're unique.. although i dunno how to wear it (>.<) even the shop assistant doesn't know how to wear it either... but still i BOUGHT it (>.<) so i never use it 'til now.. *sigh* soooo.. now.. everything that i bought are just for collection only hahhaa ;p

well aniway.. shopping makes me feel so much better.. now, i feel more fresh.. and my stress is gone ^^ butttt... tomorrow my easter break is finish.. hix.. it means assignment.. assignment and assignment.. no more shoppingggg... huaaaaaaa...

~* Hi Again !!! ^^ *~

2005-03-24T15:52:00.000+11:00

hey guys.. wah it's been a while i didn't post anything here.. been very very busy lately.. well here's the summary hehe.. 2 weeks ago, on saturday, i spent 14 hours staying in the lab just to do my "CLOWN MOUSE" .. after didn't sleep for 3 days, the presentation seems go really well ^^ i'm really happy with that.. well i hope i'll get a very very good result for this one.. because i have put sooooo many effort making this mouse.. hmm anyway, on thursday morning, i went to modelling lab.. because i have to finish my mobile phone model at that time.. so i still didn't have enough sleep.. i'm getting tired of my projects.. after that day, i still got lots of things to do.. because most of the assignments are due right after the holiday, at least i should have done the concept pages before thursday.. so that's what i did lately.. just working on my projects.. i really really definitely need a BIG break.. as i told you before, in this semester my projects are overlapping almost for all subjects.. so this is what i got.. didn't have enough sleep.. although tomorrow is thursday which is mean my first day for the easter break, still i have to do my projects.. (>.<) i don't think i can sleep soon.. it's start killing me.. but i won't give up.. i know i can do it.. well anyway.. bad news.. my hotmail account that i use for msn got hacked last week (>.<) damn!! that's my primary e-mail and now i lost it.. i lost all my friends' and families' email address.. i don't want to use hotmail anymore.. enough for it.. why that certain people hack my acc??? my hotmail acc just have 2mb.. not like others which have 250mb.. but still i got the badluck this time..

i think that's all for today.. have to start doing my projects now.. see ya!!

~* HaTe EveryThing *~

2005-03-09T18:19:00.000+11:00

i feel anger today.. i hate everything today.. feel wanna mad at erverybody.. arghhhhhhhhh... i don't like this kind of feeling.. aniway, today i went to the toyota tours which is basically i actually saw the manufacturing process of Camry.. it was soooo great ^^ the robots are awesome.. they do most of the complex job.. most of the workers are asian ppl.. esp. japanese people.. one of them is so cute hahaha.. but overall the manufacturing process is really great.. i can actually see how they can make the car.. but too bad i can't see the painting process, because they do the electra static painting.. so the finish paint will be perfect.. wew.. i imagine if i can do it with my model then the result will be awesome hahahaa..

btw.. i think i need some rest today, i feel like i don't have any energy left now (>_<) hmm.. better sleep soon..

~* MoDeLLing ClaSs inJuRe My BoDy *~

2005-03-08T12:25:00.000+11:00

today i just have one class which is modelling class.. making the mobile phone model again.. like usual.. i always do the job fast but in the end always got a problems.. damn!! it makes me slower than everyone else although at first i'm the fastest one.. it's not because i'm not do my job carefully .. my friend even said it's all happen because i'm doing my job too carefully.. --.--' oh man.. always and always.. my model used as an example to explain about how to solve a problem on model making (>_<) why is it always me and my model??? feel kinda embarassed at the first time.. but now.. feel like nothing happen.. because it's happen so many times.. (>_<) hmm i think.. i've been cursing so much these days.. feel bad about it.. it's just hard to stop my mouth to say the bad word.. hmm.. bad... bad habit...

oh by the way.. my finger got injure today in modelling class.. (>_<) again!??!?!?! huaaaa... it's bleedingggggggggggggg... but it's not hurt.. the bad is.. i feel the pain after i put the bandage.. feel really really hurting me... (>_<) can't even bend my finger..

~* WeeKend.. *~

2005-03-05T17:53:00.000+11:00

yay !! it's weekend again.. fiuh finally after one week feel so tired --.--' now i can really rest .. resting my body and my brain.. don't want to do any work today.. maybe just a little research for my studio project.. hmm aniway.. after my class is over today, i went to some bags shop.. and i found a purse.. which is very very cute.. pink colour with brown dot and brown ribbon ^^ so cuteeee.. it's kinda vintage style actually.. but i like it !!! but the bad is they don't have any in stock.. so just that one left.. and it got some glue on it.. can't remove it at all.. so yeah.. after i've been thinking for a while.. i decide to bought it.. ^^ hope i can wear it soon.. hmm i just realise.. i've bought 2 purses already (>_<) and i haven't use it until now.. *sigh* i think it's gonna be a ritual for me hahaa.. keep buying things but never use it ;p just for collection hahaha.. esp. the expensive stuff.. i'm afraid that stuff gonna be dirty or broken (>_<) so i better keep it in my cupboard haha..

hm.. i miss someone sooo much right now.. he's been away for 2 years.. still have 2 years 'til he can really stay here.. in Melb with me.. sometimes i feel so tired of this.. and just wanna stay away from him.. but the fact is.. i can't.. i always thinking bout him.. i've so many sweet memories with him.. *sigh* am i able waiting for him 'til the next 2 years?

~* HeadAche *~

2005-03-04T20:22:00.000+11:00

today.. still i haven't finished my mouse --.--' although i've followed 2.5 consecutive class.. still.. can't finish it and having headache til now (>_<) last nite i spent 6 hours to do it.. today i spent 2.5 hours more.. still.. (>_<) hope i can finish it soon.. i think i have to stay at home this weekend to do all my design stuff including all the research i need for my studio project.. *sigh* time is running now.. can't just sit in front of my laptop chatting and browsing again.. hmm.. aniway.. today, i'm kinda regret having pda as my mobile.. kinda hard to use.. esp. because it's new brand.. motorola.. never use it before.. so i think i have to read the manual book..

i think that's all for today.. need to sleep as soon as i can.. so tired today.. esp. my brain..

~* 3D MoDeL SucKs *~

2005-03-03T21:12:00.000+11:00

now, i really don't like making 3d model with some computer programs. at first, it was awesome.. but now it's getting complicated.. man.. for this project, i have to design a mouse with the detail.. as detail as possible.. omg.. and now.. i haven't even finished making the solid mouse (>_<) and tomorrow i should have start detailing my mouse.. hmm.. it makes me think about the technology parthway that i'm gonna choose.. if all the project are similar to this.. then i'm gonna be really suffer for 2 years.. omg.. i better choose furniture.. but still have to make it in modelling class.. arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i better not think bout it now.. what i have to think is how to finish this solid mouse by tomorrow morning.. omg.. help me please...

~* He knows what I've done *~

2005-03-03T15:02:00.000+11:00

WooHooo !!! i'm so happy today.. finally, i got the motorola A1000!!! ^^ WEeeeee... hahaha.. last nite.. i've been thinking about this pda mobile a lot.. it's a great offer.. but still i want the motorola razr v3 at the same time also the nokia 7280 (>_<) arghhh so many wishes... before i went to 3, i go to optus store to make sure about my contract.. the person there said that i can't stop my contract this month, because my contract will finish in 22nd of october this year.. damn!! i can't believe him... because 2 days ago, i called the optus consultant, and she said that my contract is already finished.. so yeah, just to make sure.. when i got home, i called the optus again.. and then at first she said, i can't stop my contract now.. if i want to stop it then i have to pay $300.. wth!? so expensive la (>_<) then.. i told her that i got the letter from optus before about this contract.. then she talked to her supervisor.. she told me that i can change the plan but i still have to be with optus.. but i can change it to prepaid.. it's nonsense.. why i can't leave optus if i can change to prepaid!? then i argued with her until she gave up and ask her supervisor again.. and then she said.. "ok, you can quit from optus now without any fee" great!! awesome.. after that i went directly to 3 !! hahahaa... and get the mobile !! man.. it's awesome.. finally i got a pda mobile.. ^^

well aniway.. today i got a group presentation.. i kinda don't like this group because whenever they say about the meeting time.. they actually never shown up.. so today.. right exactly 10minutes before the presentation .. finally we sit together and discuss about this thing a lil bit.. still they haven't done the correct work.. the work that my teacher want us to do.. when the presentation almost finish.. my teacher almost give us 2.5/5 .. o man that's so damn bad.. so i show him my work.. really my own work.. and then he said "this is what i want.. you guys have to say thanks to her because she has done a great job.. well because of her contribution then i'll give you 4/5" fiuh... well i know.. God knows what i've done.. so yeah.. we got the good mark this time.. although it should be just for me.. because i'm the one who did it.. but well.. it's a group mark so it's fine.. 2 of them still say thanks to me because of this.. the rest.. didn't say anything at all.. o gosh.. no respect !! aniway.. at least this project has done well ^^ but because i'm gonna stay with them for the whole semester so i hope they learnt something from what they did today.. hope they come when there's a group meeting.. well, i feel kinda worry now, because for the next assignment our group should send 1 e-mail to the tutors so we can get the brief.. i want to be the one who send the e-mail.. because i really can't trust them now.. well just hoping.. they realise that this is a group project.. hope and always hope..

~* TecHnoLogy *~

2005-03-02T18:14:00.000+11:00

wah.. today i'm so tired because i've been around the city looking for a new mobile with the great offer.. finally, i found the motorola A1000 which is a pda mobile.. and i can get it for free just by signed in into 24months contract !! awesome.. it is worth AU$979.. wah.. i think i wanna get it as soon as my optus plan finish hahaha.. and it would be next week.. can't wait to sign the contract .. wah.. i think i've spent so much money on this technology thing --.--' i always want to have the latest one.. just can't help it.. and if i said i want.. then i definitely have to get it.. otherwise, i can't sleep for a quite long period of time (>_<) soooo bad...

hmm btw.. my friend called me today and said that 2 of his friends which are gurlz are looking for a new apartment as well.. and they want to stay in 3 bedroom apartment.. i think i'm gonna meet them next week.. hope they're nice.. and not just nice at the beginning but i hope it will last forever ^^

hum.. i think i better go to sleep after i finish do my laundry.. i'm so sleepy.. didn't have enough sleep last night.. aniway, start from tomorrow, the weather will be fine for me.. it'll be just around 21-23 c .. i hope i can still wear my kimono shirt tomorrow.. hope it's not gonna be too cold hehe..

~* BiG MisTake.. *~

2005-03-01T20:47:00.000+11:00

i've done big mistake today (>_<) my teacher sent an invitation to join the group blog for our project. he's using blogger as well. so when i open the link, it said that if i already a member then i just need to sign in, don't have to make another account. so i just sign in immediately without having a long thinking about my personal blog. and then what happen is..1 hours later my friend know bout my nickname.. then i go check to the blog.. and then i found that there's a link to this blog (>_<) oh man.. i don't want everyone read my blog.. esp. my classmate.. OMG.. i don't even want to go to the uni and meet them again if it's really happen (>_<) but thanks God.. my teacher read my e-mail and delete it after i've been panicking for around 2 hours.. and try to waking up nedi to help me (>_<) sorry for that.. so sorry.. i feel bad bout it.. oh gosh.. but really thanks to my teacher.. i dun even think that he's gonna read it very soon.. so after finally nedi wake up, i got a new e-mail from my teacher that said he's already deleted my name from his blog.. thanks scott ^^ thank you so much.. i thought he will read my e-mail tomorrow.. and at that time.. uhh i can't imagine how stressful i will be (>_<) but really really thanks God.. it's all already finish ...

~* Another StressFul Day *~

2005-03-01T14:55:00.000+11:00

today, i have a modelling class and i got new project which i have to finish just in 2 weeks time. it's not that easy to make. so i have to make a model of a mobile phone which is made by wood and it has to be precise !!! my teacher gave us only 0.5 mm tolerance (>_<) omg!! can u imagine that!!! o.5 mm!! it's super thin (>_<) it's not easy to use material like wood and have to be really really acurate. i have to sand it down until the exact measurement and then have to apply some shellac. it's not that easy.. it's really hard to make although the design is quite simple. well, i hope i can finished it on time with the exact measurement.. but i just realised that my model already got 0.3 mm different with the design (>_<) oh my.. 0.2 mm more and i'll be failed.. shit!! i thought the tolerances is 5 mm.. omg.. when i become a real designer, i think it'll be better to hire some person to do this kind of job.. otherwise, i can't really concentrate on my design.. gosh.. hope i can do it well this time.. i don't want to ruin my final result just because of this subject.. not again !! and i hope i can do the finishing touch better because i always did something wrong when i'm painting my model (>_<) ohhh gosh.. this subject is really making me feel so stressful !!

another one is.. remember the group which i'm the only one asian people in it rite? now.. i feel not really well with them.. they're kinda lazy to do the work.. noone wanna do the work.. we haven't done anything 'til now and the worst is we have to do presentation on wednesday and we have to submit one A4 page for our analysis data. but 'til now we haven't done anything yet.. o gosh.. i hope this semester will go well for me.. i have to be prepared for anything that gonna happen later.. i have to get a good result this semester to cover my past result..

and today.. the weather become hot again after the nice and friendly weather for the last 2 days (>_<) o God.. please.. give me some fresh air to breathe again... *sigh* hmm.. o yeah.. i wanna thanks to nedi and edo who introduced this cool stuff for me.. i think after a few days using it, my english is improving quite a lot .. well still dunno if i always use the wrong grammar (>_<) but at least, i can talk more fluently now ^^ thanks guys !!!!

~* Am i too shy or too quiet?? *~

2005-02-28T18:07:00.000+11:00

today, finally i went to the church [[ after 1 month didn't go there --.--' ]] .. usually i went to St. Francis church which is near my apartment. but today i went to St. Patrick Cathedral with my "ST" - gank hahaha ;p the church is soooooo BIG.. but it's a great building anyway ^^ but the mass wasn't good.. not so many people in there.. it's just so quiet inside.. really quiet.. maybe there're just 50 people in there.. after that we went to Red Silk to have dinner together ^^ finally i ate the sweet&sour pork haha.. i really want to eat that food since 3 days ago ;p taste sooooo good hehee..

hmm.. not much conversation happened today between me & my friends.. i think i'm too quiet.. aniway.. lately i always stay at home, so now i feel sooooo tired --.--' wanna go to bed early today..

~* BebeRes aLL Day.. *~

2005-02-28T11:59:00.000+11:00

[[ indonesia mode : on ]]

hehe.. gi males nulis pake inggris.. beside gw juga banyak yg ga tau inggrisnya --.--' hmm.. kemaren ga sempet ngisi blog, soalnya siang2 gw beresin project sampe sore.. abis itu beberes sampe jam 3 pagi.. parah ya?? haha.. gw kalo beberes emang luama buanget seh ;p apalagi kalo ttg baju.. haha.. lemari gw overload gitu.. da kebanyakan baju ampe da ga muat diisi apa2 lagi.. ngambil baju aja susah bener --.--' jadi harus disortirin d.. hasilnya 1 koper guede full baju2 ga kepake --.--' parah.. itu pun lemari masi penuh buanget.. kayanya harus stop shopping neh.. bahaya bgt.. kecuali kalo nanti gw da pinda apartment 'n dapet master bedroom yg ada closetnya hauhuahuaa.. kalo itu seh da aman d baju sebanyak apapun bakalan masuk ;p tapi still ga mo boros2 ah.. bulan ini da mayan seh irit.. bukan mayan malah.. gw irit buanget huahuahua... cuma pake 1/7 dari biasanya ;p keren2.. moga2 begini terus haha.. hmmm.. masi pengen beres2 d.. kayanya masi ga enak.. kamar berantakan buanget --.--' maklumla kamar kecil barangnya ga kira2 banyaknya hahaha...

niweyz.. enaknya nulis pake indo haha.. lancar bener ;p hmmm ya uda gitu aja d.. ga tau mo nulis paan lagee.. abis emang seharian kerjaannya beberes doank seh hahahaa... ;p

~* Nice Weather .. finally ^^ *~

2005-02-26T14:03:00.000+11:00

wahhhh today the weather is sooooo great!!! although a lil bit raining in the morning --.--' but on the afternoon til now i can still feel the cold.. waaa fresh air finally hehe.. can breathe easily now ...

not much to tell today.. i got a new project [[again?!]] .. can you guess what the project is??? haha.. i don't think your guessing is right hehe.. because i have to make a blog for this project.. hahaha.. sounds cool huh? at first i was so surprised about this..haha how come my teacher ask me to make a blog? sounds silly --.--' i was thinking.. is blogging kind of stuff really populer now??? hahaha.. but noone in my class knows about it.. well yeah.. in my project, i have to make a blog to put all my design thoughts there..it would be better for me if i can write everyday.. which means i have to write 2 blogs --.--' hahaha... still silly for me.. so next week, my teacher's gonna make 1 blog for the whole "penguin" group.. and in week 5 i have to make a blog for my own... i think it's gonna be interesting hahaa.. i'll tell you the address after my teacher made it.. anyway, my teacher chose penguin as the name of our group because we're going to study about new technology.. so yeah he chose the linux symbol.. penguin.. haha.. he also made a flash bout it.. and it is sooooo funny but cute haha.. in tuesday class, i'm in "porchini" group hahaha... the whole teachers said that the theme for this semester is mushroom *lol* so there are porchini, shiitake, truffle and .. hmm.. i forgot another 1 hahaha..

i'm so excited to go along this semester.. i think it's gonna be more fun than before.. well i hope so ^^ hmmm.... i think that's all for today..

~* This is My true story *~

2005-02-25T18:32:00.000+11:00

this is the background story why i choose simple plan to express my feelings on these days... if you've already read the lyric..please pay more attention to the red colour sentences..

here is the story...

back in winter 2003 when i first came to melb for study...

i was so excited to go to the uni. there're 2 indonesian in august group, which is my foundation group. and the same number in june group. when i first met her, she is so kind to me. she's showing me how to do things, etc. she looks so nice. day by day we're getting closer. because my apartment is opposite of hers so we usually go to uni together. on weekend time, we usually go shopping or doing something fun. one day, she said to me " i'm so happy that you came to melb. i'm gonna be so bored if you're not here " i thought from that day we've already bestfriend. at least i feel that way..

month after that..

her highschool friend came to melb to study. i met her friend once when we went together to the Showground. it's the biggest festival in melb. things still going good..

week after that..

she started to make excuses everytime i ask her to go shopping with me. at that time, i was still believe her. day by day has passed away.. her excuses become nonsense.. this is the starting point when i have to feel suffer.. so many times i saw her went shopping with her highschool mate.. but when i ask her to go with me, she always say she's not in the mood to go out, she wants to stay at home..

summer 2004..

we're uni student right now. there're 4 indonesian in the class. she's still talk with me but it's not like before. we're just talking about our course. day by day she's getting closer with the other indonesians and at the same time, she's start to removing me from the group..

now..

we're still in the same class .. everyday.. but she didn't even noticed that i was there .. sitting in the same class with her.. the worst is she didn't even say a word when she's walking in front of me.. no more talking.. no more conversation.. i never did something bad to her.. but why.. why she do that to me?? why she have to make me suffer?? if she can just leave me alone.. maybe that would be better.. but she even took my friends.. my other indonesian friends from me.. why?? she never called me when i'm sick like she called the other guys.. when i ask her something, she didn't even answer it with the right fact.. she just talk me if she really need it.. and i really hate that manner.. when i talk to her, she doesn't even pay attention to it..

i always wait for her in the end of class and ask to go back home together.. but she never wait for me even once.. she always ask the other 2 indonesians to go shopping with her and she always did it in front of me.. but she never ask me even once.. she always say "hi!" to the other guys, but she never say it to me even once.. AND.. when i ask my friends to go out with me, she always suddenly ask them to go somewhere else with her.. when i'm talking to my friends, she always interrupt us and usually ask my friends to do something with her.. when i couldn't come to the class even because i was sick.. she never want to explained what's going on in the class that day.. she always just said nothing happened..although actually that day we got some important tutorial or we got new project for next week or the worst we suddenly got presentation for 1 day project.. she just said nothing.. that's all..

i think.. this is my fault.. my biggest fault to thought that she's my bestfriend.. i regreted that i was so nice to her before.. if i know that she's gonna be like this, it'll be better if i don't know her at all.. now, she's not even a friend to me.. she's even put me as her biggest enemy.. it'll be so much better if i don't meet her everyday.. because everytime i met her.. she always make me feel the pain.. so all the red sentences in the lyric is just my life ONLY because of her.. those are the things i feel everyday.. nothing make me feel better if she's still around..

~* New Teachers *~

2005-02-25T15:48:00.000+11:00

i got 2 more new teachers today.. they're gonna teach us CAD.. 1 of them is so cute hahaha... well again.. still young and cute *lol* anyway, i like the new timeable which is make me have to wake up at 7.30 am everyday..except thursday..it's good to wake up on a certain time so i can really arrange my eating time and also my bed time ^^

hmm.. guess there's nothing interesting today except that cute teacher hehee.. but still the weather makes me suffer.. 35 degrees everyday..oh my God.. please.. give me some fresh air to breathe >.<

~* This is Me... can you FeeL it?? *~

2005-02-24T18:57:00.000+11:00

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be like me...

~* i'll SurViVe *~

2005-02-24T13:14:00.000+11:00

yeaaaa.. I'll survive !!! from all the emptiness i feel, from all the people here in Melb who always hurting me, from all the pain i have.. from everything !!

i change the backsound today.. well actually not me that change the backsound.. i were just requesting it hehe.. yeah, i choose a song from Simple Plan that called " Welcome to my life" because i think the lyric kinda fits with my situation right now. it doesn't mean that i'm desperate, but yeah.. that's how i feel right now.

hmm today.. i have a group work.. well the group will last until the end of this semester.. and i think God read my blog *lol* because between 6 of us.. i'm the only asian.. well, i think it's better for me..i can practice my english .. at least until the end of this semester.. and the people also nice.. not like several rude australian ppl ... but still.. i didn't open my mouth even a bit when we're doing a group meeting.. it's just weird, everytime i wanna say something, someone alway say it before me.. it's like he/she can read my mind.. i feel bad to them.. it's like i'm an arrogant type of person and i'm not happy being in their group.. but actually i like being there rather than if i have to join a group with the indonesian ppl in it.. no way man !! it's enough for me.. well i hope everything gonna be just fine.. and i hope they can understand why i'm so quiet today..

anyway.. today the weather is just so damn hot... 35 degrees !! oh man... it's too hot for me.. my apartment is like a spa right now.. can't breathe easily --.--' really really bad weather.. i can't wait for winter.. i want 6 degrees weather!!

~* PasTa MacHinE *~

2005-02-23T17:07:00.000+11:00

my first project that has to be done today is making a kinetic machine from pasta. the function of it is to deliver an egg to some distance. it's sound easy but the real is it's not that easy. after i got lots of ideas then i start to try to make 1 of them. and it doesn't work as it's supposed to. so i try to make my second one, i was kinda afraid when one of my tutor ask me to try it. but who knows that the machine can work well!! i was happy at that time. but unluckily me, when i have to do a presentation in front of my whole classmates, the machine doesn't work AT ALL. and they laugh at me *sigh* i was kinda embarassed because of that, esp. when my tutors are doing vote whose machine is the best one, one of them shout the name of my machine very very loud. he said "i really like that machine which doesn't do anything" omg... and then the whole class including all of the tutors laughing like they saw chicken's climbing on the wall *sigh*

~* First day of my Second year program *~

2005-02-22T17:47:00.000+11:00

today is my first day walking into uni again.. because i couldn't sleep last night, so i went early to the class. the class start at 9 am but i came there at 8.30 am. so it's really really early as a design student to come to the class hehe.. at that time i just saw 7 of my friends.. where's the others?? the corridor was so quiet. the door of the 'connecting future' class which is my first class today.. still closed.. so i just sit in the corridor and waiting for the others to come. the time is 9 0'clock already.. there's a lot of new faces coming from the lifts. i believe they're the first year students [[ --> feelin' good as a senior hahaha... bad tradition in Indo >.< ]] .. time keep on running.. but still there's no other familiar faces come to this floor. finally, one by one coming and we're greeting each other and asking about the holiday. after talking for a while, the new teacher shows up. he told us that we're divided into 4 groups. and unfortunately, i'm in group C which will have his class on wednesday. well, i don't care.. i've came there.. so i keep following his class just for 30 minutes hahaa.. after that i went to the modelling class.. hmm.. that new teacher seems really really new as a teacher.. he's so nervous so he's talking really really fast.. i don't really get it what he said, because it's still in the morning and my brain still want to sleep *lol* but i notice that he's quite handsome hahaha.. still young & handsome.. nice teacher.. hahaha.. but the bad thing is.. the subject is engineering design.. which mean that i have to study physic again.. but that's not the worst.. the worst is today, i got 2 projects which are due next week.. oh man.. this is still the first week of the program.. yea yea yea.. i realised my 'stressful day' is already start..

anyway, this evening i have dinner with my korean friend.. i can say that she's the only bestfriend i have in melb although we didn't meet very often but we do care about each other. we had dinner at Kaneda..at first it was ok..it's all fine..until those 4 ABC girls come and sit beside us. i know that me and my friend's english is not that good. but it's not the reason for those girls to laugh at us. i really hate them. can they shut up and just do their own business!? well at first it was ok, until the last time when my friend asked me bout something and she didn't use proper english, they laugh at us and keep looking on us like we're 2 idiots that can't talk really well. o gosh.. i really wanna say " what are you laughing at?? i don't find anything funny on us.." but i don't want to fight with them.. *sigh* how come they're so proud with their english??? english is just a universal language.. if they're proud because they're ABC but they can talk 7 different languages really well.. then it's fine for me.. but this is JUST ENGLISH !!! gosh.. [[--> this is one of the reason i don't like to talk to local people --.--' ]]

the worst thing ever that the local people ever told me is "you're living in Austalia so you have to be able to speak english well' ... damn that people.. how bout if we change the fact.. how about if they're currently studying in Indo.. so i can say "you have to be able to speak indonesian really well because you live here" .. how's that??? don't they ever think that there's noone can study language in just 1 day?! how can they easily speak something like that.. don't they realise that they're born in this country??? of course they can speak english really well.. i can also speak indo really10000x well.. so PLEASE people.. please DO respect other people that have learn and can talk in your language.. although today i can't talk english really well, but i'm sure one day i can be in the same level as you guys..

~* Painful Eyes *~

2005-02-21T14:54:00.000+11:00

this week, i always use my computer for at least 12 hours everyday. at first, i don't feel there's something wrong with my eyes. but day by day, my eyes getting blurry. and suddenly, yesterday, i got a horrible painful feeling on my eyes. i can't even open my eyes again. but when i close it, i feel so painful... that's such s horrible nightmare for me.. but thanks God when i wake up today, the pain is gone. then stupid me, at noon .. i can't help to use my computer again..sooooo... NOW.. i feel the pain again.. horrible..

i think i have to stop using my computer for a while and try to do something useful.. *sigh*

~* Overseas Student *~

2005-02-20T22:17:00.000+11:00

i've been in Oz for almost 2 years.. many things happened here.. but my english still really bad. i think it's because i always try not to talk to a local student. the reason is really simple.. i don't want them to think that i'm stupid, can't talk english really well. sometimes i feel really really stupid when they ask me something and then i don't understand until they repeat the sentence so many times then finally they give up and say "nevermind". uhhh that's the worst feeling i've ever had in communication factor. because it happened so many times, so i was thinking if i just answer it with my understanding. i don't care if my answer is wrong, at least i can answer the question. the fact is, that makes me feel better, but for them.. i think it's even worse, maybe they will think "what is this girl talking about?? hey, i'm not asking you that !!"

anyway, when i went back to Indonesia for the last 4 months, i feel it would be better for me if i'm studying in Indo. I don't need to think where i should live, what i'm gonna eat for breakfast, etc. but the most important thing is that i can talk to anyone i wanna talk to. there'll never be a misunderstanding. by the way, if i'm studying in Indo, i think i'll have enough time to resting hehehe... because in Oz, i have to cook, cleaning my apartment, doing everything alone...

hmm.. beside all of the bad things i've said, i just have 1 good thing to say. the good thing is i can learn how to be a great wife.. lol hahaha... but it's true right?? if i can take care of myself than i'll be able to take care of someone else ^^ BUT it doesn't mean that i'm gonna marry soon hahahaa...

well enough talking bout it.. i think i need to play 1 or 2 round of isketch game to relieve my headache hahaha.. and then i need to sleep..

~* GooD-Bye *~

2005-02-19T22:07:00.000+11:00

Goodbye..*sigh* i'm kinda sensitive with that word now..when i say goodbye, it's like i'll never meet that person again. maybe this is because i often read chicken soup book. it says, "whenever you have to say goodbye to someone, it would be better to tell your feelings to him/her. because noone knows that you can meet him/her again one day.." that book is really affecting my life a lot. no wonder because chicken soup is an inspirational book right?

So.. yeah.. i always feel like that everytime i say goodbye.. for me there is no such "good"-bye.. it always sad and bad "bye" ... now.. it's getting worse. i remember, when my friend said goodbye to me just for 4 months holiday back there in her country, i was crying. it suddenly happen. i really don't know why. it's kinda nonsense actually, but yeah it's happen and always happen to me until now.

And just now, one of my friend said goodbye to me. he's going back to his country for 1 year and then he'll back to melbourne again. he's going on june. but after he told me that he had to leave this country for a while, suddenly i cry.. gosh.. i don't want to cry anymore.. i want to smile.. but i can't.. *sigh* how can this thing always happen to me ??? it's just not good for myself but it's even worse for that person. you, for example, you don't wanna see someone's crying because of you right?? that's how i feel either.. but i'm standing in different side of that.. i'm the crying person. and i feel really really really bad everytime i cry..

~* Sleeping Disorder *~

2005-02-19T12:17:00.000+11:00

Hm... I think I have to stop playing online games. I was a gunbound addict before.. and now.. I'm a big fan of the isketch game.OMG...It's quite fun actually.. because I can meet many new friends, playing together while chatting on the net. but it makes my life horrible. I couldn't sleep everynight. It makes me stay in front of my lovely computer for a whole day long. *sigh*

Anyway..next week is the first week of my second year program. I'm so excited to go to uni and meet my friends after 4 months holiday.. Quite long holiday I reckon hahaha... but as a design student, I think we really needed because it can replace our sleeping time hehehe. Usually we just sleep for 4 hours everyday. Well, that's already a lucky night.. The worst is when we didn't sleep for the whole week. Nightmare.. Everyone look like a walking zombie.. their faces, and maybe me, look so white.. like there is no blood flowing in our skin. Horrible.. and when I'm walking it's like I'm flying.. Nightmare..

Sometimes I feel bored with my course because it's all just about drawing and designing. I really miss my highschool. I miss every single subject in my highschool. I miss math, physics, chemistry, economic.. Uhhh if only I can go back to my highschool time.. I think it would be fun ^^

Hm.. why the weather is so hot!? OMG... I really really really hate summer !!! I never like hot weather.. many people say summer is better than winter.. but it doesn't work for me.. I like winter better.. No matter how cold it is I still like cold weather.. I get a lot of inspirations in winter time so I can do my work better.. and usually I can sleep well in this season hehehe...

~* When I dream of You... *~

2005-02-18T16:07:00.000+11:00

The first thing that comes up into my mind whenever I hear your name is the moment when I have to let you go to some place that's really far from here... and that's the saddest moment in my life...

When I say goodbye... I wanna show you my smile.. the smile that always comfort you when you're sad.. when you feel lonely.. but I just can't.. I'm sorry.. I don't know why.. It's not my smile that shown on my face but teardrops.. Tears that I just wanna keep it in my heart.. keep it for myself.. Let my heart cry, but not my eyes..

One day...

One day.. I'm sure.. my tears that always dropping from my eyes will turn into the sweetest smile ever that I can show you.. yeah.. that smile.. the smile that I always want to show you everytime I say goodbye to you..

One day.. when my dreams come true.. I'll always smile for you..

One day.. when we get together again.. unseparateable.. I promise there will be no more teardrops on my face..

One day.. yeah.. it's one day.. when my dreams come true...

~* Finally I have my own blog !! *~

2005-02-18T14:07:00.000+11:00

Whooaaaa... I'm so excited.. finally my blog is done!!! Thanks a lot to NeDi who made this CooL blog for me ^^ Actually I want to make it by myself.. but too bad... I don't understand the HTML stuff >.< if I have time, I'll learn 'bout it and then make a blog truly by myself.. well.. that's one of my dreams ^_- v

Hm... usually I write to my diary everyday.. but from now on it's gonna be different.. I'll close my diary book and share my thoughts here ^^